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View Full Version : Had A Discouraging Doctor's Visit Today :(



AMcCall
11-25-2005, 05:25 PM
I just wonder if you all would please say a prayer for me... I had a discouraging doctor's appointment this morning. I have been having a good bit of abdominal pain lately, and I actually had the first internal ultrasound on Halloween of this year. That scan showed that my right fallopian tube is severely swollen, fluid filled and completely blocked. My Ob/Gyn said that the tube needed to come out, but that after having major abdominal surgery last summer, that he did not feel qualified to do the surgery himself because of complications from possible scar tissue, so he sent me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist today. The first U/S that I had with the Ob/Gyn showed that the left side seemed to look alright. He was hopeful that this other doctor could remove my right tube, and that I might still have luck getting pregnant with one working tube on the left. So although I was discouraged at the thought of more surgery, I was still hopeful that once the surgery was over, my husband and I might be able to try to have a family. Well today's U/S did not go well. There is a huge, fluid-filled pelvic mass (as he called it) in my abdomen. He said it is larger than my uterus, and is just all over the place in there. He looked at the right side and knew right away that my Ob/Gyn was right about the right side being pretty much shot... While he was in there, he said, "Let's have a look at the left side...if it looks good, we'll run some dye into it during your surgery to make sure it's clear, and then maybe you can get pregnant with that side..." Well, he got over there and said, "Uh oh..." And he scanned it, and the LEFT tube is blocked, too. He showed me the tube, and the thick line through the middle of it. He told me that he would likely need to remove THAT tube as well.

He said that the only way I'm going to be able to have a biological baby is through in-vitro. I think in-vitro is a wonderful, miraculous thing. My 3 1/2 year old nephew is an IVF baby. But their health insurance paid for her IVF. Mine will not pay for anything infertility-related. It will be about $16,000 for this procedure, and it may not even work. So I don't think that is going to be a good option for us. We could look into adoption, but financially, we are not in a good spot to afford that, either.

This is something I have prayed really hard about. I asked God to please either give us the desire of our hearts, which is to have a child. Or I asked him to take the desire away. (The desire has not gone away...I don't know if it ever would...) Or I asked him to please show me His will for us regarding children. And I feel like today, He showed us that maybe we are just not meant to be parents. And if that is His will, I will accept that, BUT.... It is just really hard. It's difficult to see a dream fade away :( This is all I have wanted since I was a little girl, was to be a wife and a Mom. I guess that cannot be in the cards for all of us, though.

I'll hear back Monday from the lady who is going to schedule surgery. The doctor hopes he can do it laproscopically, but he may not be able to due to scar tissue from where I had my colon removed last year. He is going to have to consult a couple of other doctors for advice before he does it I guess. He just kept saying, "Boy, this is going to be tricky!!" He won't know until he is in there if he'll have to open me up, or if the laproscopic procedure will be successful. He says he may not be able to do it until January. I have been in a lot of pain, so at this point, even though it's heartbreaking, I wish they'd just be able to go ahead and do the surgery. At least the physical pain will go away then. I don't know that the emotional pain EVER will :(

I am sorry for such a long post, but I am just so discouraged. Just the combination of not feeling real well and getting this bad news is about more than I can really take :( I know God is in control, but I just feel discouraged.

Thank you all for listening...

Renee Payton in Georgia
11-25-2005, 05:57 PM
Ashley, I know that you are feeling discouraged and not well either. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

(((HUGS)))

Renee

ChrisM
11-25-2005, 06:25 PM
AWWW!!! I'm so sorry to hear this. Maybe you can do foster care or adopt in the future. Your health is most important right now. Take care and stay hopeful.

carla
11-25-2005, 06:33 PM
ashley, you are right God is in control ,He can take the bad and turn it to the good,dont give up if he hasnt took the desire away,miracles can happen .ill be praying for you

Char
11-25-2005, 06:37 PM
So sorry you have to go through this Ashley....will keep you in my prayers.

Dollstar2
11-25-2005, 08:21 PM
Ashley,

I feel so bad for all you are going through, and for the pain you are feeling, in both your body and your heart. :(

I feel that miracles do happen and maybe down the road you will become a Mom if it is God's will. :)

I have a friend who did foster care and her first and second babies whom she fostered became her two children, and it didn't take a long time either, the cards just fell into place. And it didn't cost much at all either.

Maybe something like that will come your way! You never know what God has up his sleeve for us. Miracles to happen!

I feel so bad for the pain you are in. I just wish you were well after all you have been through! I feel sure that a dream will come true for you for sure after so much suffering. You are such a sunny spirit I can almost feel your smile from here when you are happy!

God bless and I will keep praying for you.

{HUGS!}

Dorothy T
11-25-2005, 08:54 PM
My Dear Ashley. I Feel So Bad For You. I Am Sure This Is Difficult To Understand. You Are In My Prayers My Dear Sweet Friend. I Will Put You On Our Prayer List At Church. Love You Sweetie.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))

lauralovesdolls
11-25-2005, 09:07 PM
(((((Ashley)))) I will keep you and hubby in my thoughts and prayers...

Campyhall
11-25-2005, 09:12 PM
I am sorry to hear this Ashley. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Lanalee
11-25-2005, 09:21 PM
http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/4.gif

SScarb9747
11-25-2005, 09:27 PM
Ashley I'm here for you. I'm still praying that God grant you the desires of your heart. Don't give up. God provides for all our needs, and then some. It just doesn't always come as soon as we want it. Be strong, and give extra love to your nieces, and nephews for now. I know they have been a big blessing for you.

I'm here for you anytime lil' sis. Lov'ya! (((((((HUGS)))))))

shianname25
11-25-2005, 09:28 PM
Sweetie, I am thinking of you and you are always in my prayers. (((Hugs))) God Bless.(L)

Cher
11-25-2005, 10:09 PM
I will be praying for you and your husband Ashley----Miracles do happen, don't give up the hope.

Faye
11-26-2005, 12:05 AM
Oh, Ashley, my heart hurts for you...please, don't give up hope...
there are miracles...reasons we will never understand WHY God
doesn't answer our prayers or give us the answer we want. It
will ALL work out...concentrate on getting better and feeling stronger
right now. I'm sending PRAYERS and GOOD THOUGHTS your way...
lots of (((HUGS))) too!!!!
hugs, Faye

Buggy
11-26-2005, 01:11 AM
I am so sorry Ashley...I cant add any words as there is nothing to say to lift your spirits right now..Just accept my prayers and hugs....

Kathleen
11-26-2005, 05:22 AM
I'm so sorry for all your pain. I'm still waiting for God to answer my prayer and I think that out time is different from God's time and God will answer you, but in his time.

Wendy-Sue
11-26-2005, 06:57 AM
Ashley, I am so sad reading your post. You have so much love to give, and eventually fate will let you share that. I do hope that you are soon in less pain.
Loving hugs xx

Ginny M.
11-26-2005, 07:39 AM
Ashley,so sad to hear your news. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gigi
11-26-2005, 09:38 AM
I was so sorry to read this.........you are in my thouhts and prayers too..........

AMcCall
11-26-2005, 11:34 AM
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers (L) You know something...I don't think I've ever felt so, oh what is the word for it.... numb, maybe?? before in my life. I am a Christian, and I know God is in control of everything, and that He has the best plan for our lives. But this is just very hard to accept for me. Every Christmas that rolls around, I think about my Heavenly children, and hope that they are rejoicing There, too. And I have always looked forward to the day when I'd have earthly children to share this glorious time of year with. Now it just sort of feels like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. If God could only show me the reason that He has chosen this path for us, I think I would feel a little better. But right now I just do not understand. It is like I can be surrounded by family and friends who love me, and whom I love with all my heart, and yet, somehow, I still feel very alone. Maybe once I get the surgery over with and a few weeks pass, my mood will lift. But right now I just kinda want to crawl in bed and not get out :(

I do pray that a miracle will happen for us one day, and that maybe God will lead us to possibly adopt a little one. But financially, that isn't an option we have right now. And with added bills since the purchase of our home, I don't know that it will ever be a feasible option. I suppose, though, that if God wills it, that He will provide the funds to accomplish it.

(((BIG HUGS))) and I love Yall (L) I think I'll go have a look at some of you all's Christmas dollies...they always make me smile :)

Mackie-NC
11-26-2005, 05:31 PM
Ashley, my heart is very sad for you right now. I do believe in miracles but sometimes God's idea of a miracle and our ideas are not exactly the same. Right now concentrate on getting yourself better and God will take charge of things in your future. I am sending lots of prayers up on yours and your Hubby's behalf and lots of hugs to you now.

Tracey427
11-28-2005, 04:37 AM
Ashely: I know exactly what you are going through. I traveled the road of infertility for 15 years. God answered my prayers in a much different way......with stepchildren and "step" grandchild.....however I do believe that there is something in store for you. Adoption DOES NOT have to cost a lot of money. Yes international adoption and private adoption of newborns is outragous......however.......foster to adopt is little money. Our daughter's brother/sister in law went through their county for foster to adopt. It took about a six months to get certified and within three months of their certification they had a three month old baby girl placed in their home. Jenna will be two in February and she is legally their child now for six months. The cost was only about $500-600 for a lawyer. During the time that she was their foster child the state even paid them for food and clothes. Please don't think of this as God shutting a window.....but of Him opening a door!! There are sooooooo many children out there that need loving parents like you and your husband. I know you hurt and there is nothing that anyone can do or say right now to take that pain away. When your heart stops aching for an instant.....step make, take a breath and realize that there are many many options for you. I do care and am here for you.

Doris
11-28-2005, 08:19 AM
My prayers are with you Ashley.

Proud Country Gal
11-28-2005, 03:44 PM
Ashley I am praying for you!!!!
Hugs,
Nancy

AMcCall
11-28-2005, 03:52 PM
Thank you all SO MUCH for your thoughts and prayers (L) I sure do appreciate them. You all really are like family to me, and I am blessed to know each and every one of you!!

My husband and I are sort of putting the thought of children on the back burner for right now, until I get through this surgery and my health is a little better. We would still love to be parents, whether it be through the foster care system, which we have often thought of, or adoption, or perhaps In-Vitro. I guess I am still praying that when they do the surgery that they might, miraculously maybe, find that my left tube is alright. That might be a long shot, but it sure would be nice if it worked out that way...

I spent last night in the emergency room with severe pain, so I am not feeling real good today. My doctor changed my pain medication, and they are going to do my surgery just as soon as they can. This mass in my belly is very painful. We were in the hospital for about 6 hours. They did a more in-depth ultrasound (internal and external) and found things look about the same. So they just had me follow up with my doctor this morning. He is such a kind man. That makes things a little easier at least. And I had a really nice nurse at the ER, which made things easier. They had to fill and empty my bladder with a catheter for the ultrasounds, and that was seriously painful. So having someone nice to do it really did help.

I will keep you all posted (L) Love You!!

Mackie-NC
11-28-2005, 04:17 PM
Ashley, I am sorry that you have been in so much pain! I hope they can schedule your surgery sooner rather than later! You need to be on the road to recovery! My thoughts and prayers are still with you! Thank you for keeping us posted.:)

AzygousKids
11-28-2005, 11:18 PM
Ashley,

I am so sorry to hear about all this. You and hubby are in my prayers too. However, even though you are putting things on the back burner until you are feeling better, please remember that God works miracles all around us daily. He has a great plan in store for you somehow still. He won't let you down.

I love you sis!!!